literature

For The Moment

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Qoheleth's avatar
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Literature Text

A few minutes to midnight and I'm still awake. I blame the lousy internet connection. You get what you pay for with prepaid dial-up. I'm just finishing up some things. For some reason, I felt the need to just type away.

So here I am.

Oh yes, typical of me, ain't it? It must be the chocolate I'm eating right now that makes me want to post this thing at all. Notwithstanding the fact that I should be asleep by now. Really, I should be...

I'm listening to a really sad song right now. It's in Japanese. I have absolutely no idea what it means. But I know it's sad because of the way it makes me feel. I react to things like that. Based on emotions. It gets tiring to keep them in check sometimes. But I wouldn't be me if I didn't.

This is what I get for being too damn sentimental. And being a complete hopeless romantic doesn't help either. Looking back, I wonder how the heck I came to be this way. Over-analyzing things and being paranoid over trivial matters. What the heck happened to the sadistic kid who quietly plots mass destruction in the corner of the classroom? When did I start to care about what people think? Why do I bother asking questions I know I can never even answer myself?

Ha... Life. Go figure.

I must be getting more cynical and optimistic at the same time. Notice the paradox there? Strange but true. I really have no idea what I'm thinking about right now. I'm a bit messed up... Okay, make that really messed up. There are some things in my life I know I do not deserve. I'm no saint. I admit that. Nor am I completely innocent. Heaven knows what I've done so far. And yet I'm too damn grateful to complain. In the end, I know I'll still take them one day at a time. I'm predictable that way. Never really sure where I'll go or what I'll do in the future. I seem so sure of myself, someone once told me. No, that isn't true. I am just as confused and flustered as anyone with this kind of mentality. So what if I always have a smile on my face? Check the eyes. Sometimes they don't match...

I wonder what I'll be thinking about when I go to sleep in a few minutes.

Oh well. Here's to another pseudo-philosophical rant.


Qoheleth signing out...
Uh. It's the chocolate. I think.
Totally random rant here.
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Katall's avatar
You just made my mind flutter about in equal parts vindication and intrigued curiosity...